Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (Kent Style)

Annemarie Baisley: No talking! The chicken did not cross the road. I personally carried it to the other side along with his entire family. And, it was raining! I knew the chicken was going to cross the road since 1963. Mr. Green, you are out of order!

Denis Illuminati: There's a chicken crossing the road? If we had sewers he wouldn't have to cross the road, that's dangerous and someone could sue us. He could walk *under* the road in the sewers and be safe. I've been asking for sewers for 25 years!

Pat Madigan: Why did the chicken cross his toes?

Christine Woolley: I'll make sure Denny doesn't crash the tractor through the ice on the lake while carrying the chicken to the other side. We have money for that in the budget.

Joe D'Ambrosio: Look, I just want to be sure that everyone understands that the chicken is crossing the road by his own volition and that Annemarie isn't forcing the chicken to cross the road and then not telling the rest of us about it.

Lou Tartaro: If the chicken is crossing the road he must want to be crossing the road. What, am I a chicken? Chickens cross roads. What's to know?

Kathy Doherty: Did *that* chicken cross *this* road? Well, we'll just see about that!

Tim Curtis: I don't know if the chicken legally crossed the road or not but I'll look into it and let you know at the next meeting. But, if Annemarie says it's legal then it must be legal. Do you still want me to check? Is it Tuesday?

Rich Quaglietta: I know chickens and I've got the video tapes to prove it.

Jim Baker: I suppose if the chicken crossed the road he was doing it because he was a Republican. Democrats can't cross roads, at least not here in Kent. I could recycle that chicken.

Tony Caravetta: If that chicken shits on the road I'm gonna need another driver and mechanic. I'm short-handed as it is!

Jeff Green: It's not about the chicken crossing the road. It's about equal access to the road and it's about keeping the roads safe for our chickens to cross. To do that we must carefully control the way we grow our communities and find new and progressive ways that will ensure adequate chicken crossing opportunities for our children's chickens and their children's chickens.

Bob Rogers: The chicken can't cross the road. Where is he going to cross to? We don't have any agricultural zones and if he crossed into a residential zone... he might have done it before 1958 and then *maybe* it would be legal. I think we're going to have to zone for chicken crossing.

Bill Heustis: My wife cooked the chicken. I need another ballfield.

Don Smith: I've been on the force for 25 years and I know every chicken in this town and that chicken did not cross the road or I would've known it and had one of my guys out there to stop traffic, set highway flares, and make absolutely sure the chicken crossed the road safely.

J. Peter Collins: It appears the chicken crossed the road against traffic and therefore I am forced, though it pains me to do so, forced to require the chicken give up his street crossing license for a period of 60 days to ensure compliance in the future. Do you understand, Mr. Chicken? I don't want to see you in my court again.

Katherine Hamilton: I never saw a chicken.

Lake Carmel Fire Department: The chicken crossed the road and tried to enter the new firehouse without being a member of the Lake Carmel Fire Department. We had to send him back into traffic because we don't want to get chicken shit on the marble floors or oak paneling. Do you know what that stuff costs? And no, I don't know what the disco ball is doing on the ceiling of the party hall, er, muster room, but I'm sure there is a significant firematic purpose for it being there. It's a matter of safety. Yeah, that's it. Safety.


Don Smith: The chicken hasn't simply crossed the road, the chicken crossed the road to test my new county highway patrol. Keep the faith.

Bob Bondi: The chicken is simply looking to enjoy the bounty and unparalleled beauty of Putnam County, the place we live and call home. And, to ensure the chicken has roads to cross I have authorized builders and developers from all over the metropolitan area to come to Putnam County and pave it so that chickens will always have roads to cross without raising your taxes.

Bob Bondi: I would like to clarify my position: I did not say what I said.

Terry Intrary: It's true. In my experience chickens cross roads.

Bob Pozzi: Before I introduce my friend, the chicken, I invite my distinguished colleague to cross the road so that you may all see what a fine chicken he is.

Sam Oliverio: The chicken has every right to cross the road and I don't know why the politicians stand in his way. The people *demand* the chicken be able to cross the road without interference!

Tony Hay: The chicken was crossing the road to escape INS agents who knew the chicken didn't have a Green Card. That chicken should be sent back to El Salvador or where ever it is chickens come from.


NY Journal News: Pedophile Chicken Escapes Across Road!

Putnam County Times: At 11:50PM on Thursday Octiber 4th Kent police received a report of "chicken crossing" road, Sgt Champagne reports. Upon invEstigating THe cro ssing chicken Sgt Champain smellod what appeared to be "alkohol" on hIs breaTh and issued him a sitation for CWI and for crossing withut a lisens, a violashun. The chiken will appear in Ken t Court Thyrsday.

Putnam County Courier: Putnam County Executive Robert J. Bondi stated at a news conference today that the chicken was simply looking to enjoy the bounty and unparalleled beauty of Putnam County, the place Mr. Bondi lovingly calls, "our home". And, to ensure the chicken has roads to cross he has invited progressive and sensitive developers from across the metropolitan region to come to Putnam County and tastefully pave it - to give chickens ample future opportunity to cross roads. The County Executive assures us of his commitment to the safety of road crossing chickens.


Ed Heelan: People may not know it but, I love chickens. And, to prove my love for chickens I want to build a wonderful 120 acre processing facility for chickens right here in Putnam County so that chickens won't have to cross roads anymore.

Paul Camarda: The chicken was crossing the road to prove that roads are places that chickens like and to press the fact that roads are open spaces and should be counted as such in my housing developments, golf courses and Sprawl-Marts. Think of all the chicken habitat I could build for Putnam County!


Rudy Giuliani: I have ordered the police to arrest any chicken they see crossing the road without a permit. New York must be kept safe from road crossing chickens. It's a matter of our quality of life.


George Bush: The chicken crossed the road to test America's resolve in these troubling times. I have it on good authority from unnamed sources that at some point in the near or far future a chicken or other fowl type bird may again try to cross an undetermined road. I must ask you, my fellow Americans, to remain vigilant in our determination to stamp out road crossing chickens wherever they may hide.

Originally posted on Thu Jan 03 00:59:12 2002


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Tuesday, November 27, 2001